Boyfriend slapped me for refusing sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I have a boyfriend who is 22. I used to love him a great deal, but he did something that caused my mind to turn against him.

One year ago, on my 19th birthday, we went out for dinner. It was a real surprise dinner for me at a hotel. He asked me if we could end the night by having sex and I told him that my period had just come. I had never had sex while seeing my period. He said he was looking forward to having sex with me, so that would not bother him. I told him I would not be comfortable. Anyway, we left the hotel and he stopped at a certain place and started to assault me. He told me that he did not believe that I was seeing my period. I have always known him to be a caring and decent man, but that night he pulled down the zip of my pants and pushed his finger into my vagina. We started to fight and I told him to stop. He called me a liar. I did not know that my boyfriend would try to rape me.

He stopped when I started to cry, but he had already given me a couple of slaps in my face. I told him that I would never talk to him again. I could not go home in the condition that I was in. I was hoping that my parents would have gone to bed by the time I got home, but my father was still up. The moment he saw me, he asked me what was wrong and I told him "nothing". By that time, my boyfriend had driven away. My father asked me if all was well between my boyfriend and I and I said, "Yes, Daddy." I went to the bathroom and then straight to bed. I could not sleep. My boyfriend called me, but I did not answer my phone. I turned off my phone, and in the morning I turned it back on. He asked me to forgive him for what he did.

My boyfriend and I have had sexual intercourse a number of times, but this one time I wasn't prepared to have sex with him because it was my time of the month, and I thought that he would understand. I couldn't believe that he would attempt to rape me. I know some girls told me that they have sex while they are seeing their period, but I was not prepared for that. It has taken me a long time to make up with this man. But I still cannot get it out of my mind that he attempted to rape me while I was seeing my period. Do you think that I should continue having a relationship with him? I could not believe that he would slap me twice when I was resisting him.

There are other guys who love me and have tried to date me. Since the incident with my boyfriend, I have been thinking that I should go out with a couple of them and see how I feel.

C.E.

Dear C.E.,

This guy lost control of himself. He knew that it was wrong to force you to have sex with him while you were seeing your menses; shame on him.

Evidently, he did not believe you, so he slapped you and forced his finger in your underwear to satisfy himself that you were indeed seeing your period. That is not the behaviour of a decent man. He has been asking you to forgive him. You must make that decision on your own. Even if you are prepared to forgive him, you should not be eager to continue dating him. He should not get the impression that you cannot do without him, and that he can do anything with you that pleases him.

Pastor