Sister slept with my man

Dear Pastor,

I am almost 34. I have one child and her father and I love each other. I am working. But I am still living at my parents' house.

My child's father left to spend a little time with his people in the US. I have an older sister there. We agreed that he would visit her. I gave him certain things to give her. It was the biggest mistake I have every made. He went to see her and he spent two nights at her house. While he was there, he called me and told me he was going to stay over. I asked him why and he said that they had many things to talk about, and one of my brothers told him he could stay and he would pick him up the following day.

My sister came on the line and told me that she had an extra room where he could stay, so I said OK. Pastor, I was shocked that my sister and my boyfriend slept together. I heard from one of his friends. He told his schoolmate that my sister was irresistible and he had too much to drink so they had sex. I was so furious that I called my sister and I told her that I heard she had sex with my man. I called her a slut.

While I was talking, she went silent. I asked her if it was true and she said I should ask my man. So I asked him and I could not resist. I cursed some bad words and I was too loud. I had to go outside and empty my chest. My boyfriend admitted that they had sex and said that if I left him, he would not have anybody to blame but himself. He told me he was drunk and my sister came on to him strongly. I could not sleep that tonight. I asked him if he used any protection and he said no but my sister took the morning after pill.

This sister and I have always been very close. She begged me not to tell my mother. But my mother told me that she would not ask her about it. Right now I cannot forgive my sister. My temptation is to give myself to another man to punish my man for what he has done to me. He is back in the island. I told him that I didn't want to see him. Sometimes when he calls I don't want to answer. I am a good looking girl but maybe my sister can have sex better than me. He told me it happened the night he stayed over and in the morning before she left for work. So I asked him whether he was still drunk in the morning but he couldn't answer me. Pastor, I don't know what to do. I am begging you to give me your best advice.

B.D.

Dear B.D.,

Your child's father and your sister have caused you great sorrow. This is the man you love and trust. You said that both of you truly love each other.

I will not doubt that you do love each other. If a woman can't trust her sister with her man and if a man cannot control himself and not have sex with his sister-in-law, he is sick.

On the other hand, I am wondering what caused him to tell his friend about the affair. Was his conscience kicking him? If he confided in his friend, why did his friend divulge what he was told? The thing is so messy.

I know you are greatly hurt but I hope that you will be able to forgive your sister for her indiscretion. Remember that you are sisters and you are going to need each other. What should be done to your child's father? Can you ever trust him? I suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor. The trust has been broken and it will take a long time to rebuild it. But he should be put in the dog house for a long time for what he did to you. He should not get the impression that he can have sex with another woman and expect you to go to bed with him. If both of you were to have sex, it should not be right away. I also suggest that you quietly talk to your mother about the situation and ask her to give you some guidance.

Pastor