My boyfriend won’t leave his wife

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and I am having a relationship with a man. The relationship is five years old. This man is married. When he met me, he told me that his wife was living in New York. She went there and overstayed her time. She got a job over there. She is afraid to come to Jamaica because she might not be able to go back. She has spoiled her visa by overstaying in America. I asked him why he did not go. He said that he was not going to give up his job, because he does not like America.

This man and I started to 'deal'. He used to sleep at my house, and sometimes I slept at his. He had one son in Jamaica. I got to know the young man very well. This boy told his mother that his father and I had a relationship and she called me and told me that I could have the man, but I should not go back to her house. He moved in with me and left his son at the house. He bought me a car. Everything this man did for me, his wife knew about it. Her son told her everything.

I asked him why he is still holding on to his wife. He said that when he got married, he promised that he would only do so once. I do not know what to do, because I love this man. What I am getting to understand is that any day she gets her papers and she returns to Jamaica, he will go back to her. She does not have a man in Jamaica, but she knows everything about me. This man is in his 50s. He plans to help me to buy a house, but that is the furthest he will go.

I would like to get married and have two children, but this man has no interest in getting me pregnant. He is the best man I have ever had in my life. I don't want to leave him, so give me your advice.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

This man has not fooled you. From the time he met you, he told you that he was married, but his wife was living in the USA.

You did not have to become intimate with him, but you chose to do so. You have worked out well for him. You have taken the place of his wife since both of you met. He has not denied that both of you are living together, and as far as this man is concerned, you are just his sweetheart. If his wife remains faithful to him, whenever she returns to Jamaica she will be coming to her home.

You see, you know all these things, but I suppose that because of this man's money and what he can do for you, you are not going to leave him. You have already made up your mind that no other man is going to come into your life, because that would mean you would be destroying the 'good life' you are having at the moment.

If you would like to get married and have a child, leave this man alone. He has absolutely no intention of leaving his wife.

Pastor