Husband wants me to spice up the bedroom

June 24, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old and I am having some problems. I have had one man for 10 years and everything was going right between us.

I suspected that he was seeing somebody else, but he said he would not disrespect me. I called our friend who is a counsellor. When he came, my husband told him that I dressed like an old woman and I took things for granted. I wear long nighties and I wear old panties to bed. Imagine that! I am going to bed and if I go to the bathroom and have my shower, why can't I put on old underwear? He said that I do nothing to spice up the relationship and I only want to do everything the same day.

My husband has been asking me to go 'down on him', but because of my Christian beliefs, I have not done so. He said that all his friends engage in oral sex. But I don't see why he should want that from me, his wife. My husband has caused me to change a lot. I tell him more and more that I love him. I used to be very upset when he woke me up at nights. Now when he does, I respond to him. Sometimes I have fruits at the bedside and we eat fruits and have sex at the same time. Sometimes I come off the bed and go on the floor and my husband still complains. What else can I do?

Recently we were in the bath tub. We were eating a mango and it fell in the tub. My husband took it up, put it into his mouth and he insisted that I suck it from his mouth. I did it reluctantly, but he was well pleased. What more can I do Pastor? That mango could have had lots of bacteria. But I didn't complain. How do you think I can improve my love life with my husband who is genuinely loving, but sometimes miserable?


Dear Y.L.,

Why do you have to wear old underwear when you are going to bed? What your husband is trying to tell you is that he is tired of seeing you in them and in old nighties. He would prefer to see you in attractive underwear and in sexy nighties. So I must ask you, why can't you understand that you are not attracting this man at all? You should burn these panties and long nighties and you should challenge your husband to buy you lovely lingerie. These are the things that will turn him on. When he comes home, you should take the initiative and give him sensual massages. If you know how to do these things, he will fall asleep and will not have time to fuss about how you look.

Sometimes when men and women have been married for a long time, they lose some amount of interest in each other and they have to learn to take breaks. Sometimes they should go to see a sex therapist and not allow boredom to take over their relationship. When last have you given your husband a massage? He needs one. Perhaps after he buys you some lovely lingerie, you can volunteer to massage him. What about your weight? Please don't allow your weight to get out of control.

And by the way, when you and your husband take a bath, take time to lotion him. It does not matter how long a couple has been married. They can keep the relationship going for many more years.


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